Though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.

This spring,  I have the opportunity to attend Boise State University.  I am hoping that I get good grades and get a job so that I may support myself.  Scott and I have had a bit of a tiff.  He likes to tell me things that he can't do.  He says them to make me happy, because that is all he wants, but it really hurts that he can't follow through and I am left bereft of not only what he said he could do, but also all future hope I had.  It is an immature thing to do.

I often wonder if I am much too picky.  Of course, I know I am lucky to be complaining only of the fact that he doesn't call me when he says he will, but in marriage, that is a big deal.  I understand that he has a life other than me, but it hurts that I don't have one beyond him.  He is the only thing I have.  He seems like he could do without me.  He is going to basic training in February, and he seems to think it will all be okay for me.

What he doesn't know is that I will be all alone.

He will be surrounded by fellow servicemen, and I will have absolutely no one.  It's my fault though, I am sure.  I tend to find one problem in someone and find it a foreshadowing of anything else that could go wrong in a relationship. 

 For example, I had a "friend" who said that doing anything that furthered you as a successful person (like going to college) was only to benefit society, not one's own self. He said he was happy with his naked room with only a bed and a TV.  I took that as a sign that he would brainwash me into thinking I should do something like that, especially because I am really hesitant about going to college.  I am scared of failing, and debt, and that I don't know where I will end up. That leaves me vulnerable to his dumb ideas.  He quit high school, although he was excellent in his studies.  My point of view was that he was wasting his gifts and talents.  I think it is really selfish of him not to further himself in school and life.  Why does he think he has to settle?

And of course, I could not bring any of this up because he views me as a ditzy, unintelligent blonde.  Oh well,  I guess I will just have more money and be more successful than he is.  Though he said people who chose that are unhappy.  People like him, who appreciate what they have, are happier.  If they settle, there will not be any level that they must achieve next.  Unlike me, who knows that there is always room for improvement.

I just hope that I can resolve all of these issues, put faith in myself, and make people proud.  If not my family, then society.  I actually just want to be proud of myself.