"Boyfriend" Best Coast

I am going to devote this post to the one and only person who has stayed by my side no matter what.... My boyfriend, Scott.

Oh yes, it sounds super cliche and everything, but seriously, I have put him through some rough shit, and for some reason only God knows, he still loves me.  He is so forgiving and perfect.

Lookie. He made me cookies and he will play along with me.

I love this guy to death. He is as perfect as a human being can be. He bends over backwards for me, buys me chocolate, goes with me shopping, listens to all my bitching, and tries to cheer me up whenever he possibly can. Seriously. I wanna marry him. I wanna marry him so hard.

I don't deserve someone so loving and tender toward me. I am so lucky.

Anyways, I love you baby Scott, and I hope that we can spend the rest of our lives together. HINT HINT. :D  

For details on how we met, see Disneyland post.

Thrift Shop

My life is not going the way I thought it would. I don't have anyone to lead me to where I need to go next. The person that I ran to for help only told me that I don't finish things and that I am not ready for BSU. And shit, that fucking hurt my damn feelings. I just love it when people are two faced liars. I try to be honest and true, but fuck, it doesn't get me anywhere. Some fourteen year old girl that looks like a Victoria's Secret model who is the most shallow, selfish, rude and dishonest person I know gets whatever she wants and probably will marry a professional basketball player and never have to worry about working or having any kind of responsibility.

Then there is me. 

Oh, but why am I complaining? Because I quit everything I start, apparently.

Why can't I just have someone to spoil me and buy me things and just blow all their earnings on me? In fact, why do I even have to work? Obama is taking from the rich and giving to the poor...So I should just stay poor. Having a job is totally unappealing. Half of my freaking paycheck goes to the government and I will never see it again. 

I am so fucking annoying. Jesus. Someone should do me a favor and murder me.

Come Home

I know I have posted some pretty mean things about BestFriend...... But I am going to spill my true feelings toward her, and where my frustrations come from.

BestFriend has always had more freedom, more nice things, and more attitude than I ever had.  She is ambitious, brave, daring, courageous, and usually pretty determined.  Who wouldn't be jealous of that? Just recently, I saw a picture of her journal, and it was absolutely gorgeous. I know that if and when she comes to visit me, she will show it to me because she is proud of it.  I would be.  But I am bitter, so I was propelled to hide my gay ass diary, which is just words that I don't even care about.

So reason one I fight with her: I am jealous.

She is also so sure of herself. She can be friends with anyone, and I know that. So I get pissed off when she has fun with other people because I am not having any fun.  I just have a hard time pretending that I don't like people.  BestFriend doesn't really even see the bad in people, and if she does, she just ignores it.  Which I am sure she does with me.  We just really need a heart-to-heart.

I feel like she has really changed ever since she started staying with her siblings, even before she moved out.  When we were younger, we contemplated going to parties, but we decided that we could have more fun sober, and that only bad things happened at parties.  Then, when she went to New York and stayed with her brother for a little while, I heard stories of how she got drunk and cuddled with cute guys.  I was obviously jealous... I've never done anything that spontaneous.... but I also felt pretty betrayed. What happened to having fun and remembering it the next day?

Reason two: She changed.

OH JEEZ. Everyone changes. SHUT UP HOPE!!! Yes, I know.  But whatever happened to the girl I used to tell everything to?  She has things to say now, I don't.  And I don't feel like she would care to know about my mediocre life. That's how I feel next to her; mediocre.

I got really excited when she said she was coming home for college. She was moving back into her old house.  So no one can really blame me for thinking OLD BEST FRIEND is coming home!! I even found the cutest best friend necklaces.   Then I realize she changed, and we don't wear our old best friend necklaces anyways, why would this time be any different?  And then I get mad that she isn't who she used to be.

She is a cultured and fascinating woman.  A woman that I have never really met.

Reason four: I don't know her anymore.  We have little in common.

So after she read my previous bitchy posts, she said she read them, and she loved them. I knew I had done something horrible.  I just want my best friend back. That is all I want. So here I am, pathetically trying to do damage control for the millionth time in my life. I do just want to be best friends again. I don't have any friends. Not a one.  Unless I count her, and we don't even talk when she is away.

I miss her. I want to laugh with her again. Just her and I. I miss our little language that we had going on.  I miss categorizing people by how we think they would taste.  I miss her weird decorating skills, and her innate sense of eclectic style.  I want to go on car rides with her..... (you know, she has never seen me drive with my license.... I wonder if she would be proud. She was the one who taught me to drive.) I want to sing with her, and run outside half naked to play in the rain. I miss taking pictures for no reason, I miss her craftiness, I miss how she motivated me.

I just miss Micah.

Increasingly Pessimistic

Oh yes. More whining. I would feel bad if more people read it, but since no one does, I don't mind.  I'm a little like one of those Facebook friends who just post depressing ass shit on their walls and don't ever have anything good to say.  Maybe I should take this post in a different direction, then.  On the bright side, I am not morbidly obese or fugly. Kay, now that we were positive, let's get to what I am really thinking.

I have come to the conclusion that I hate my job.  At first, when I applied to Craft Warehouse, I was excited because I figured I would resume my artsy fartsy status.  I was not-so-pleasantly surprised when I found out I would be working in the frame department, which is hopelessly understaffed, even now.

First, there is the department manager.  He is one of those guys that just looks intimidating.  I didn't really mind that, because my dad is that way, and I know otherwise.  When I first got to know him, he just seemed funny, however, he has gotten increasingly offensive.  For example, he was talking about going home early, and all the things he was going to do.  I told him to think of me (because I was closing, and I wanted him to feel at least a little guilty)..... He then proceeded to ask me how I wanted to be thought of.  Which was a weird question to begin with, but I just answered "fondly."  So he made a big huge deal about how I said FONDLING..... and I got embarrassed and nervously laughed while turning crimson. On top of his continual pedophilia, he is also really really selfish.  He only hires people who have never framed before so that he can mold them after his liking, which is just another way of saying that he likes things done his way, and not any other way.

Second, there is this really nice British lady, who I think is quite nice, but she never really works, but she does have kids... I guess I hold nothing against her.

AND THIRDLY, there is this dumb whore who just likes attention.  She pretends that she is way too cool for me, way more indie, way more pretty, way more successful, she has a way better boyfriend, no one appreciates her, she just does everything right, so she will ignore me and .... you get the picture.  She also has pretend panic attacks.  The reason I know they are pretend is because she has only had them when we are alone together and manager and British aren't there.  She also acts like a baby to make everyone think she is cute.  She has a delinquent boyfriend that she lives with at his parent's house, and she gets drunk even though she isn't of age. Though I will admit I did it once, I didn't do it again, and I don't tell everyone to get attention and make them think I am cool.  She complains that she doesn't get the right hours, but she goes to parties all the time (or so she says) so she must have some kind of time.  She will also embarrass me in front of customers about the dumbest things.  AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, she likes to make me deal with the customers she's pissed off.

All I wanted was an easygoing retail job. Instead, I manufacture things and produce drama just by being there.  If I quit, I will screw over everyone in the frame shop, which I wouldn't feel bad about besides British.    I just want less responsibility.  I don't get paid enough for all I have to do.  I don't have a life anymore.  I don't know how people have two jobs ever.  That seriously earns some hats-off and boy scout salutes or something.

I just want to be pretty.

Today's Forecast

Woo, new post. I have to set a goal to post once a month, or else I have to play the catch-up game, which I am sure is not fun for the two people that read this blog.

I have gotten a job! And, it is better than my stupid minimum-wage at Edward's Cinemas (who also have mean management, at least to me). I will start out at $8 an hour, which is cool.  The lady that hired me said she would work it up... which is also very cool. :D

The new plan for life is to work my patootie off, pay for the college I have already been to, and in the spring, go to BSU for teaching!! I am really sad that I won't be graduating on time with other people my age, but oh well.  I wonder if that makes me a nontraditional student.

I want to become a high school English teacher.  I think it will be a lot of work, but at least I will like the environment.  I hope I am financially stable in the future.  My dad really thinks this is a good idea, much better than my dumb vet-tech attempt.  That was totally awful. I am very ashamed of that.  But at least I caught it before I went to much more school, say, years.

I don't know if I have ever mentioned it before in my posts, but I had a psycho-maniac-step-mother-thing that was a horrible person to me.  She even talks trash about me today, though I have moved out and don't talk to her if I can help it.  She says I am pregnant, she tells people I jumped out the window on my 18th birthday, etc... anyways, my dad is going to leave her!!!!!!!!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!!! I know none of you readers care, but hey, just thought I would write what exactly is on my mind.

Hey, wanna picture of me?

Well, that should do it. Too much sunshine? Check. No nose? Check. Duck face? No.

Oh wait, one more thing. I don't like people who like Obama.  I seriously dislike them and seriously question their intelligence.

Just Spilling the Beans

Very little people visit my blog. I asked my friends and family to read my blog and comment on it. They just said it was "good." What kind of remark is that? I have decided I am going to ban the word "good" from my vocabulary. There are much spicier words to use, and that is one of my most favorite things to do, BE SPICY! Spicy is such a good word. Anyways, if anyone else reads this, please tell me what the hell I am doing wrong to be so gall darn uninteresting. Much obliged.

Alright, so I was going to Brown Mackie to be a vet tech, and honestly, it was not something I really wanted to do.  So I got myself into a huge pickle.  I have only gone for two months, and I have decided that I want to become an English teacher, and that calls for a tall order of BSU and debt.  I could have possibly signed some papers saying that I was going to pay for the two years of college that I have now decided that I do not want to attend. Plus, Brown Mackie credits do NOT transfer. Moral of the story: Read the damn "Terms and Conditions," cause I just basically ruined my financial life.

Another fun fact, since I quit working at the theatre before I graduated, I have not had a job.  WHOOPEE!  I am just so beside myself with all of these fantastic things that have been happening to me  (Well, I actually have a lot to be thankful for, but that will be a post for another time, and I am sure no one cares anyway, so maybe not. :D). Today was get-applications-day, but I doubt I will really get any of that done, because I don't know how to get places, though I can drive.  I just get lost. It makes me feel like this: 

Economies and Values... and other unrelated topics.

This is an unpublished post in which I find fascinating to read, because since when was I such a skilled and engaging writer?? (Well, at least I think so.)  This post was from JUNIOR YEAR, which is a long time ago seeing as how I am graduated and in college now. Anyhow, enjoy my nonsense!!

Can you guess what I'm doing?  If you guessed procrastinating, you'd be right. If you guessed doing something productive, you'd also be right. You wouldn't be right if you said smelling my neighbor's toupee. I'm actually supposed to be doing homework...I have Econ to study and The Great Gatsby to read, but instead, I am posting the first blog post of my life.  I find it rather exciting. 

BestFriend (every name used is a replacement name for the sake of.... peanut brittle) said she was making a blog, and I just had to beat her to it, because for some reason, I always start things, and she finishes them. This time, I started something!! Kind of like a fight, but not really.

On the topic of BestFriend, we are on rocky eggshells right now. Fascinating combination, I know. It all started two weeks ago (for the most part). It went something like this......Earlier in the year I had not done so well in AP English, and now I had to make up for it. This means I had a hundred million essays that had to be redone or fixed in various ways, or just turned in. I was planning to devote my entire night to pull some essays out of my donkey, and then we got some Econ homework. Because we were only watching Forrest Gump in History, I figured I could get the Econ homework done during the movie. Unfortunately, I did not have an Econ book, and there, across the room, was an unsupervised Econ book. I speedily ran to it and began my homework. It just so happens that it was BestFreind's book, and having been harassed by my boyfriend about her "mom jeans," was in an explosive mood. And what did she do? You guessed it. She exploded on me about taking her Econ book. She slapped it closed and demanded for her paper, which I proudly was NOT copying, and stormed off. Linda, who sits in front of me just said "......Wow...." to which I agreed. So I sat through Forrest Gump staring at the unused Econ book and inwardly cursing BestFriend for being such a jerk.

Now, you may think that is a rediculous reason to be mad at BestFriend, but this is just the straw that broke the camel's back. BestFriend has a tendency to be tactless and condescending even on good days, and I just gave up. I had already told her she was mean to me, and although she agreed it was true and vowed to "work on it," nothing ever changed. Later that class period, I decided to go to Kate's house, when I had said I was going to go to Linda's house with Bestfriend and a million other people. Not only did this enrage BestFriend, but Linda too. Needless to say, Kate and I seem to be a team, and Linda and BestFriend are on the opposite team. BestFriend still comes over and spends the night and acts like nothing ever happened, but at least she isn't mean.

That weekend, I can honestly say I never had so much good clean fun in my little life. Boyfriend came over along with his best friend, and our other freind Daisy came too. We played in the rain, went to see Paul, and played at the park while eating Reese's and drinking Dew. Because we had so much fun, Kate invited me to come over next Friday to party. BestFriend and I can never find anything to do, and it's partly because we don't share friends. We both have very separate friend groups, who don't really want to hang out with both of us collectively, which leaves us to each other. Because she can drive and I cannot, she visits other friends while I stay home and do stinking chores or read. I'm used to her having other friends and other plans and not being invited. Later I'll see on Facebook they "had a great time, saved each other from the black hole of boredness," etc., but when I do it, she gets ticked off and thinks I am ditching her.

That leads us to this Friday. While sleeping in the "New Couch Room," Bestfriend says, "Hey, I can come over to your house and we can make skirts!!" Which I find to be a good idea, but Kate lives very close to the school, and I tell her I am off to Kate's. "Thanks for abandoning me for the fourth week in a row," she mumbles half under her breath. Daisy, who is in the room with us, comes to my rescue. "We had this planned a week ago!!" she quips, and BestFriend stays silent. I feel bad and despise missing the opportunity of a lovely skirt, but I've come to the conclusions real friends don't care what you wear, and I have just as much fun (if not more) with Kate minus fighting as I do with BestFriend.

So I go over to Kate's house with Daisy, and her dad gives her some magic potion that makes everything in life agreeable and funny. I too, sample the potion and become slightly more agreeable, while Daisy looks on in envy. The three of us travel to Boyfriend's house to watch some Netflix, but when we arrive, he decides we should go to the park. We have made him slighly unhappy we arrived at his house so agreeable because his mother does not like agreeable people. When we get to the park, we decide to get on the tire swing, which spins at least a million miles an hour.  Boyfriend spins Kate, Daisy and I as hard as he can, and watches us squirm and scream helplessly.  While spinning, Kate decides to tell Daisy that her boobs are like pillows.  How nice.  Suddenly, one chain on the tire swing pops off, and Kate and I are left holding on to the remnants of the swing with all our might, while still spinning out of control. Eventually we were stopped, and both Kate and I crash to the sand below, and lay there dazed and totally sort of hurting.

I will admit it was pretty fun, but Boyfriend decided that he liked me less agreeable, and felt that I had betrayed him in some way, so I am basically banned from becoming more agreeable unless he is there to join me.

And that is where I must have gotten distracted and stopped telling my story, because I don't know the rest of it, BECAUSE I AM OLD AND MY MEMORY FAILS ME, but I thought it was quite fascinating. Of course, no one else will, and I will be happily stuck with my three followers.  One of which is "BestFriend," to whom which I am no longer speaking to because of a previous post.  Surprisingly, this post reveals a lot of early-set resentment. Unfortunately.

COLLEGE. Mmm. Me is smart now!

So, I have been sick for almost a whole week.  I have a sore throat that is so dang bad that I have to mentally prepare myself to swallow, and unfortunately, I think I might have become immune to ibuprofen.


On the bright side, I HAVE STARTED COLLEGE!!!!


What an amazing feat, right?  Well, not really, considering that the average age in my class is about forty.  I am going to be a vet tech. Just an associate's degree.  Nothing really outstanding.  I am not really feeling totally psyched about it, but it's at least something to aim for.  Anyway, it's like easy bologna.  I enjoy being in school.  It makes me feel purposeful.  I am doing it for my little Sam-Sam. (As pictured below)

My best friend came back from California.  I was sort of excited to see her, considering that I have not really seen her for months, and we don't talk or text or even Facebook each other.  When she got here, however, that all changed. 


She slept with one of my ex-boyfriends and expected me to be happy about it.  I told her we weren't friends,  and she hasn't spoken to me since.  She is on her way to China later this month.  I am used to her being constantly gone... so I suppose I am not that terribly bummed out.  Yes, I am a horrible person.  

This Calls for a Chair.

So, I haven't posted since last summer. Basically, I ran out of time. So much has happened in this almost-year that it will be hard to summarize it.......... but here I go!!

Starting chronologically from last summer.

I don't remember much, but it was between my junior and senior year of high school.  I broke up with my boyfriend at the time (Scott), and found someone else.  His name is Jade. Our relationship was always erratic and strange, but I loved it at the time.

School started, I was in two choirs and two AP classes.  It was a lot of work.  I learned to love my teacher, Mr. Bolyard, and tolerate others.  I learned that maybe I don't want to be a marine biologist if I can barely do the labs in AP Biology.  I also learned that people don't really think I can do a whole lot on my own.  Maybe I can't.  My best friend also moved to California during the summer, and she changed since she lived here, so we don't really talk a whole lot.  I am no longer really a part of her life.

During the school year, Jade and I were "going steady," though we did get in a lot of fighting. I loved him like I loved nobody else.  That might sound pretty naiive coming from a high schooler, but I did.  When I lived at my parent's house, we would talk on the phone for hours and hours, and we'd laugh and be totally ridiculous.  We got along really well, although we could hardly see each other because of my parents' overprotective natures.  Once I moved out (a story that will be continued at a little later) we basically fell apart.

Detour:
Previously to Jade, I was always in the position of not really caring about the person I was in a relationship with.  I will admit that that is really mean and low, but I didn't know how relationships went.  I care about Jade a lot because he had such a past.  He was not very happy, and I think that is how our relationship ended.  He had a lot of anger that he didn't really know how to deal with, and a lot of times it was taken out on me.  Now, I am not painting myself to be the victim here, because I definitely did some hurtful things back.  We yelled and blamed and ranted, and we both claim the other to have played mind games.  Which is why we are no longer together.

Fortunately, he has changed.  He no longer gets mad instantly, and he is much more reasonable.  And he wants me back.  Unfortunately, so does old boyfriend now that he realizes that I am no longer with Jade.  It is an understatement to say that this little situation is emotionally distressing... and it is for them too.  If I would just make up my mind, there would really be no problems.

It is really hard to choose between two people you really care about, especially when you are the only one a person has to talk to in their life, and also when the other person's friends basically think you are a slut and only playing their friend.  I really didn't know what to do, and still basically don't.

Anyways, back to chronological order:

My 18th birthday was February 20, which is in the middle of my senior year of high school.  I could not stand to live in my parent's house anymore because of the whole evil step-mother thing I had going on, and so I moved to my "Gramma's" house.  My "Gramma" isn't actually related to me, you see.  She is my dad's ex-girlfriend's mom, and she used to babysit me while my dad was at work when I was a baby to about three.  My parent's house was a little closer to my school, seeing as my Gramma's house is two cities away.  It was tedious having people drive me back and forth, because I lost my permit over the summer and didn't get a new one.  Fortunately, I got my license, though I still didn't drive myself to school because I was usually too tired.  The last bit of school was really really busy, getting ready for graduation.  My dad's ex-girlfriend, which is my Gramma's daughter always liked to breathe down my neck and be in my business.  Granted, she did help me with getting a job and everything, but she liked to parent me too much, and that is what I wanted to get away from.  Because of busy graduation, I sort of quit my job at the theater (where I worked concessions) and buckled down for graduation.

This upset the man of the house, which is Gramma's divorced husband.  They still live together, and technically it is his house.  He decided that if I didn't have time for a job, I didn't have time to go anywhere else.  He also decided that I could not drive the cars.  I find that quite ridiculous, but I suppose it makes sense.  I just really wanted time to settle down and have a little teenager time, but I guess that won't really happen.

I graduated May 22, 2012.  It was not as emotional as I thought it was going to be.  I left so quickly that I did not get my diploma (and still haven't.... shoot.)  I went to my parent's house where my dad made brats and hamburgers.  The only people to go to my graduation were my parents, siblings, grandparents, and one aunt.  I invited all of my 11 aunts and uncles and their families.  Oh well. Jade was also there, and he was very upset afterwards.  I talked to him at my parent's house, while falling asleep.  I left to go to the senior party which started at ... ten?  I really didn't want to go, but I figured I would regret it if I didn't.  I was already super tired when I walked in the door, and when I walked in, I was greeted with adults who wanted my shoes and car keys.  No one could really leave until four in the morning.  That was a long night.  I was a huge bore during the whole thing, and fell asleep on a cafeteria table.

I slept for basically two days straight, and now, here I am, squeezing in this "little" update before I go to lunch with Gramma and her husband and grandson....

I am not sure what I am going to do with this summer, seeing as how I quit my job and haven't been accepted into any colleges.......  I am feeling kind of down.  But I will stay optimistic.  After all, I now live by a pool.  : D