Dear Haysoos.

Have you ever had a "friend" that lied about every single last thing? Even if it was about the dumbest crap, they would go out of their way to lie about it.

I am stuck around one of those right now. A self-centered, arrogant, spoiled lying thief. I don't even know what to say about it. I am just speechless as to how people raise their kids these days and tell them that they are such hot shit. It is the exact reason I don't want children. I would never want to curse the world with one of those.

On the Road Again...

So, I don't know how many people I know have driven across the country, but that is what I plan to do. YIPEE. I am a little bit frightened, because it is going to take a shiotload of time and I get really carsick, but hopefully all will go well. I have gotten a lot less neurotic about my life lately, but at the same time, a little more so. I am not worried about certain things that used to scare me really bad, but now I am worried about other things. In comparison, however, they are not really as bad. At least not to me.

I am afraid of Idaho's winter... here in Virginia it gets about down to freezing and that is as cold as it gets. In Idaho, it gets down to below zero temperatures, and I have gotten used to the pleasant temperatures here. I really do like the heat. I don't really want to stay in Idaho my whole life, but that is where my family lives, and that is where I grew up. I just wish it were warmer during the winter. The summer temperatures are through the roof. Upper hundreds..... That place is just very bipolar. The temperatures need to be averaged out.

On another good note, I have gotten over any and all best friend wierdness I was doing. It was all me, and I guess I shouldn't have taken it personally. I should just trust that she is happy and making a life for herself. (Although she could move back to Idaho if she wanted to...)

On a bad note, I am again missing my very favorite holiday for about the third time. FML I want to do Halloween already. I don't care about all the other holidays! I just want to decorate for Halloween, but unfortunately that will not be possible.

On a good note, Kannon (Scott's best friend) is coming to visit us again. I am quite excited. They had a lot of fun the last time he came to visit and this could be the very last time that they see each other for a very long time! Kannon is being stationed far away from us!

Things are changing... AGAIN

I haven't written in a while.  It always takes me a few days to digest huge life changes.  I only realize it is a turning point until after the fact.  I can't even really tell anyone about it either.  Not that there is anyone to tell.  So here I am, telling nobody and everyone at the same time.

I got something that I have been wanting for at least a year and nine months.  It is severely underwhelming, but also overwhelming.  I never thought I would actually get it.  I don't know what to do with it now that I have it.  I did pray to God asking him to make the right decision for me, since I don't consider myself an adult that can make the right decisions for myself.  I hope he was part of the decision-making process.  I also hope that the decision that was made helps Scott.  I want him to be happy and do what he wants to do.  I hope that whatever happens he never grows to resent me because I want to further my education and do what I think would further me.

I hope that he also does something that furthers himself, and I hope he has the good fortune to be hired somewhere he wants to work.

Anyways, since I can't particularly go into that situation, I will over-analyze another.

I started back up my Facebook the other day to ask my once-friend how I should go about starting at BSU again, and all of a sudden, I got a message back saying to never speak to each other again.  I was really taken aback.  Since there are no names, I can safely say I saved this person's life.  One night, I felt he/she was in danger of committing suicide, so I called the police.  He/She thanked me and told me he/she really appreciated that I did that and that therapy was really needed.  And then I am basically told to fuck off?  That has really bothered me lately. I just want to know why. When I asked, I was just told "I am moving on from high school and can't do that if you are still giving me the time of day. Sorry." What the fuck does that even mean?

I don't know why the things people say to me affect me so much.  I wish people would understand that what they say may actually make a difference in someone's life.  Unfortunately, nobody really cares.  I am just a bitch.

Also, on the topic of people saying things to me that I can't let go of,  my bff told me I came second to her mean jerk of a husband she has known a fraction of the time she has known me.  I can't even describe how much that hurt.  I mean, even if you felt that way, you should never say it out loud.  Like you don't tell obese people that they are fat and disgusting.  However obvious, it is still hurtful to say out loud.

GOD SHUT UP NOBODY FUCKING GIVES A SHIT.  You are just a fucking whiner.

Seriously. I am worthless. K bye!